“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.” – George Washington
This week I want to focus on females, most weeks I want to focus on females, but this week in particular I want to focus on inability to let go. Ladies, if your man is cheating on you and/or has cheated on you several times that is not love. He does not love you, no matter what he says. You may say, “Oh no you don’t understand! This is just how our relationship is. He loves me so much! He doesn’t love those girls like he loves me.” And you may be right, he might not care for those girls like he cares about you, but he sure enough does NOT love you.
Ladies think about it this way, if our men know we’re going to take them back every time they cheat on us, what’s the incentive for them to stop cheating? If they can have their cake and eat it too, why wouldn’t they? We want them to treat us better, but we don’t demand that they treat us better. We want someone to love us, but we continuously go back to someone who obviously does not. It’s ok for us to be alone sometimes. Sometimes we have to be alone in order to know who we really are and what we really need out of another person. What’s most important in a relationship is mutual respect and trust. If our boyfriend, or the guy we’re talking to, is refusing to bring us around his friends, refusing to let us meet his family, or we can’t leave the house (if that’s a mutual understanding between us two, that’s one thing, but if it’s not), it’s time to let go. If our relationship is, “We argue all the time, then we stop talking, and then we get back together, and then we argue again, and then we stop talking, and then we get back together, and in the meantime he cheated on me, but he’s just lost right now and he really loves me,” that’s not a healthy relationship. It’s time to move on. As women we need to respect ourselves more than that, and find ourselves somebody that really cares about us.
Here’s another way to think of it, if you can go into your favorite store and steal a whole bunch of shirts and nobody comes after you, would you not keep going back and taking more shirts? Now picture each girl as a store. What I see happening now is that guys are going into our “stores” taking what they want out of them and going to the next “store” and taking from them, still with no consequences, and when they get tired of these random “stores” they may go back to their first store (the one they’ve been constantly stealing from all along) and start working there like the past never happened. The main problem with this scenario is that WE KEEP HIRING THEM!!! I’ll repeat: If there’s no consequence to the action what is to prevent someone from doing it again? Do we think just because he’s committed to work for our one “store” he may never steal again (from us or anyone else)? Now when we think about it that way, does it make a lot of sense to “hire” him?
I’ll end with this last note: Get on the same page with these guys. If being in a relationship hasn’t been talked about or being exclusive with each other hasn’t been discussed, don’t assume that there is a relationship. There is no expectation of commitment until it has been discussed. Just because you guys have had physical relations does not assume an expectation of certain emotions. Do I think that’s morally right? No, but I think it’s smart to consider how morally corrupt the world is when making personal choices. We’re hurting ourselves in the long run by refusing to have these conversations, or refusing to accept that to them it may not have meant anything (Now, if there’s been a conversation where emotions have been discussed, that’s a different story). Don’t be afraid to be alone ladies. If he is someone that loves you for you he will never intentionally hurt you. He will build you and challenge you spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Demand respect. Get on the same page, and most of all, Be You.